blogging, writing, carrying babies, baking, crafting

I have started writing a column for a great parenting/family site based in Toronto called Bunchland. Its all about preparing for our twins in our own arty DIY way. I've also been working for the last five months for a great kids company as their interactive writer. I am loving all the projects I get to weigh in on.

Its been a lot of fun to get our apartment ready and make crafts for the nursery. I am in my third trimester now and those babies are kicking up a storm! Its so strange to be pregnant. Never has such a major thing going on in my life been so evident in an external way to the world. I get asked constantly by strangers when I am due, what the sex of the baby is and when I say its twins people ask if my mother is coming to help. Seriously the cashier at Walmart asked if my mom was going to help me. It was hilariously inappropriate.

My husband of course doesn't have to deal with all the questions about his body, his birth etc. Nor does he look like a circle. Literally I am a circle now. I am thinking of dressing up as a pumpkin for Halloween. What is also amazing to me is all the people coming out of the woodwork that want to offer me their old baby stuff, clothes, strollers etc. Even people I don't know have sent things over with family and friends.

Why do people think having babies is so expensive? It is a time in their life that they literally have no comment on how you dress them, all baby stuff is so gently used and can be found at thrift stories, on craigslist or can be handed down from family and friends. Or you can make them the silliest little toy and they'll likely love it. The main expense will likely be the billion diapers they'll go through daily. Why are diapers so expensive again?

I read that the babies can now hear what is going on outside of their protective womb and that stories read to them now can actually help calm them after I give birth. So Jason has started reading some Dr. Seuss to my belly at night.

A Sad Day

Yesterday Jack Layton the leader of the NDP died of cancer. The public outpouring has been inspiring and heart wrenching. He died a mere 16 weeks after his amazing win as the leader of the opposition party. Finally the Liberal party was ousted from that position.

At the time of the election I was filling in at the social media desk at the CBC and I was charged by the historic election. The NDP has always stood for what I believe in social justice, working families and no one stands for that more than Jack. Who rallied for cycling, food banks, the rights of women and gay pride as a city councilor.

I like many found it hard to watch as he delivered his final public appearance when he stepped down as the leader of the NDP, he was frail and looked older than his years. But his eyes were still bright and hopeful as he talked about fighting cancer.

Even two days before his death he wrote a letter to Canadians about the work that needs to still be done, the optimism we should all feel and how we live in a great country. His letter cut right through all my cynicism and made me feel that we can all do something, that I can do something, that I need to continue to fight and care for this city and country I live in. Especially now that I will have two sons who will find their own way in the world. I only hope that I can instill in them similar values.

To say Jack was an inspiration somehow isn't even adequate. He was a lefty champion and there will be a hole with his passing, but at the same time I imagine many feel revitalized to carry on his vision.

Seeing Double

Does anyone else out there have a hard time accepting they are not 13 years old anymore?

In mere months I will be the parent of two children. Not just one, two! People keep telling me I will be a great mom, how do they know, what are the signs or clues. I would certainly like to know. I don't always feel like I have the daughter, sister, friend, wife role down yet now another huge one is on the horizon..... mom.

What is most shocking is I am not at all sure I recall or actually did grow up yet? I am still so aligned with who I was when I was a kid that I am just not sure the whole official adult thing has happened to me. That must be why I like to produce kids stuff.

I mean I am certainly much older. Aging check. That seems to be proceeding. But I am still waiting for the big AHA! moment where everything just magically falls into place I smile a benevolent and knowing smile and I know I am everything I am supposed to be and my life is as it should be.

Still waiting. Any time now?

I don't think it is going to happen.

The truth is I think maybe the best thing I can do for my children is let them sometimes see that I don't have all the answers. That I will continue to search, that I still have dreams that I need to fulfill. That I am a parent but also annoyingly human.

Double Trouble

What a year it has been, new job, new marriage, quitting that job, now another new job and pregnant with twins.

We are going to be a family of 4 in mere months. And they are identical to boot. The standard questions and comments have been 'do twins run in your family' 'wow you're REALLY showing' 'wow just wow' 'can I touch your belly' 'how are you going to afford two of everything' etc. And sometimes just plain screaming 'NO WAY!' Ah, the miracle of life and life.

Identical twins are just wacky science. It has nothing to do with genetics, age, fertility drugs or where I live An egg split and viola... two babies. Wham bam! There is a lot to think about with twins, more risks, more doctor appointments, more symptoms more exhaustion. Oh my! But man is it cool. They are going to have their own special twin language and grow up with a pal.

I look in the mirror and am blown away by the fact that me and my lovely husband made two babies and now they are cooking up, soon to be served into our lives

Can we handle it? Gawd I don't know. But a friend of mine today said she knew we'd bring our humor and wackiness to our double challenge of parenthood. Here we go!

If your happy and you know it!

I want to qualify first off I am not into self-help books. I hate the super positive, uber-obvious tone of the them. Do A, B, C and everything will simply fall into place. Often these books offer too much advice are too simplistic and aren't written by experts in any way. I realize this is a massive over generalization but this is just a little personal blog so I am going to allow myself this luxury.

However, self-help books aside, I have always been interested in what makes us tick, how are brains work, and how to simply have more control over how we perceive the world. There are some interesting writers out there looking at happiness and the struggle to obtain it. Gretchen Rubin penned the Happiness Project where she test drove a bunch of theories of what makes one happy. She looked at religious theories, poems etc and encourages others to start their own Happiness Project. A light hearted reminder that sometimes a change of habit can make all the difference.

I love this TED talk on the power of vulnerability by researcher and social worker Brene Brown who studies human connection. She spent ten years studying vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame. Her research showed her that people who lived with vulnerability and acceptance of themselves were truly happy. Her book is called: The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. I haven't read it yet but just the title alone is great advice.

I recently took out of the library a book called Authentic Happiness by Martin E.P. Seligman, PHD what has charted an approach to living with flexible optimism and his book encourages people to draw upon the strengths they have to be happy rather than assume good luck and genes brings happy days.

What I like about these writers and thinkers is they have analytical and critical minds and they bring a sense of humour to their research and writing. These are not just first person anecdotal accounts of one persons opinions but rather a researched and through looking at how human emotions work.

On the Happiness Project website Heather writes that being happy is about helping others and making them happy, and one can only help others when one is happy. Of course one has to be accountable to themselves for their attitude and perception towards life, but we are all interconnected. Especially these days with facebook and twitter we are constantly keeping track of one anothers moves and accomplishments -- but we should of course also use that opportunity to try to be genuine and good to one another.

Spring Sprung Sprightly

Hello to the blogosphere,

We have finally shed winter in TO and the sun is shining, well kinda. Weather really impacts peoples moods. I have also shed a work situation that was not well suited to me and am now excited to be working on some cool collaborations and digging back into some writing.

I have started growing some plants on my urban balcony and plan to spend a lot of time out there musing and writing. I recently did some work in the newsroom of CBC during some major news events: ie our historical federal elections (NDP came in second and the Conservatives got a majority), Bin Laden was killed (!) and of course the Royal Wedding. It was fun to be in the world of news and feel part of that excitement and also witness what stories people gravitate towards.

More to come. Oh stories currently being consumed. The wonder spot by Melissa Banks, she is a great writer. Just read High Fidelity by Nick Hornby and the graphic novel Lint by Chris Ware (he managed to capture an entire life in one short book). Thank goodness for the library.

Where do you buy your coffee?

Today on my way to work I stopped for a tea at Tim Horton's, a Canadian staple. I noticed that unlike when I stop in at Starbucks there were no laptops or no creative meetings happening. There were working men with lunch boxes and dads with their kids. It was a totally different coffee shop experience.

This got me thinking about that interesting multi-nuanced reality that is identity. I have to admit I am an urbanite-type. Creative, all my friends are mostly activists and artists, I live in the city, detest the suburbs and constantly talk over coffee and meals with friends about my dreams. My big, ever imposing dreams. I am too old to be a hipster I believe, but I've been accused of having the look. Being cool, unconventional.

Sigh, here is the catch 22 of being an creative city type. One who is creative needs time to breath, contemplate, get better at their craft. However, living in the city is expensive and forces one to work doing things they likely don't want to in order to keep living here. However, living in the city connects one easily to the people they need to know for their creative career and helps them to find collaborators and sympathizers to what is important to them.

I have tired desperately to just not be creative. Be practical, work, go home. Have a good job. Its like a disease that is incurable. At our wedding all our friends speeches talked about how my husband and I were a creative dynamo, much like a Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera... without all the cheating and drama of course. And how the creative visions in our head we made a reality. Very kind words. But while being creative does bring me much joy, its also this constant nagging need that never goes away. Some people are just accountants. That path is so clear and decisive. Something has always been so attractive and allusive about that type of clarity.

It seems like all my posts are about the same thing lately. Mmmmm. Just the struggles of a navel-gazing, story addict dreaming of creative dreams and retirement from a day job.